I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
