Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
