We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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