Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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