Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She even gives head with a lisp.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
