So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
