your parents love me but you hate me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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