I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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