I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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