Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
