At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
