i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
