You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
