We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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