You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
