sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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