So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He kissed a someone with a penis
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
