also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
