Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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