and i looked up. we had an audience...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
