He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
