She's JV to your varsity
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
