Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
