I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
