I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
