so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
