i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
