This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
