I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
