theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
try to milk me bitch
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
