lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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