I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's never too late to be topless.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
