Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
