Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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