dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
