We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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