end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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