Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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