I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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