Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
