Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
