Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
