I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
