Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
