did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
