Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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