Don't make out with my wife yet
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
