oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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