Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
