so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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