My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
