I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
